What to Say to Someone Who Is Grieving (And What Not to Say)

How to show support when words feel hard to find.

When someone we care about is grieving, we often want to offer comfort but struggle to find the right words. Grief can feel heavy, confusing, and deeply personal. It isn’t something we fix. It’s something we sit with, together.



Below is a gentle guide to help you support someone who is grieving with kindness and presence.

What to Say

1. "I’m here for you."
This offers reassurance without expecting anything from them.

2. "I’m so sorry for your loss."
Simple, sincere, and supportive.

3. "I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now, but I care."
Acknowledges their pain without trying to define it.

4. Share a memory if you have one.
Stories remind them that their loved one mattered. For example:
"I’ll always remember the way she made everyone feel welcome."

What Not to Say

1. "They’re in a better place."
Even if meant kindly, it can feel dismissive of their current pain.

2. "Everything happens for a reason."
Grief rarely feels logical. This can create emotional distance.

3. "Be strong."
Grief doesn’t require strength. It requires room to be felt.

4. Comparisons to others’ loss.
Each grief is unique. Avoid phrases like, "When my dad passed..."

How to Be Present

Listen more than you speak.
It’s okay to simply sit quietly with someone.

Offer specific help.
Instead of saying "Let me know if you need anything," try:
"I can bring dinner tomorrow at 6 PM. Does that work?"

Keep checking in.
Grief often deepens after the funeral, when others have gone back to their routines.

A Gentle Reminder

You don't need the perfect words. You only need sincerity. Sometimes the most comforting thing you can offer is your presence, your patience, and your willingness to sit with someone in their sorrow.